Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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