All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
