So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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