My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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