you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize