I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
