last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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