garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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