I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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