I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is the high leading the old right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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