i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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