capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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