She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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