He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
NoShamevember. You game?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
