ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I intend to get homeless drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
