He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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