i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
