This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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