the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
