I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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