Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize