I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
