I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
