His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
