If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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