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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
