I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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