my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
