we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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