someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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