Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
