So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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