the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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