She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
