What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
