Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
