Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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