You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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