Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
