I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
