quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize