living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
