Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
