I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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