I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
