it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
