what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
