For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize