$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
