Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize