I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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