next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My bed smells like the plague
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
