I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
