people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
