just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
