Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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