what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize