i would punch a child for taco bell
You can't motorboat a personality
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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