YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
