I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
