just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
