I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
