Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
