I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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